A Quick Post: The Dangers of Alligators

And here’s some proof that my wife and I are good parents! A life lesson from my wife to our toddler when they were playing a fishing game (plastic rods which attach via magnet to plastic fish/sea animals):

“Don’t pick up the alligator by hand! That’s dangerous! Use a fishing pole.”

It’s so rewarding to impart our wisdom to the kids.

Have a great morning, everyone.

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Welcoming Baby #4

Baby girl gremlin joined the family summer of 2017.

It’s been way too long, Utter Dadness readers. Sincerest apologies for that. If it’s any consolation, the hamsters that make me go are basically just spinning with their wheels at this point. I honestly don’t know how my wife and I have carried on these past ten months.

Let me bring you up to speed.

  1. We had another baby last summer.

And that’s it, really. I mean, that’s not it, not by a long shot, but that’s the part that matters. Most of you wouldn’t be able to read beyond that anyway; your jaws are most likely dragging against the carpet as we speak. Free tip, don’t use them as a dust pan.

But really, after having three children in relatively rapid succession, people started looking at us like we were Amish. With four…they give us a wide berth.

Having four children where we live definitely changes things. Folks give you free used stuff all the time. They don’t even ask. It’s because they assume that, 1) with so many children, everything you own is broken, and 2) you are poor.

They’re not wrong, and combining our daily lunches with dinners (“linners”) is starting to sound more and more tempting.

But for our part we did get our girl, though that wasn’t the reason behind wanting four children[i]. She is a fantastic baby, who doesn’t cry unless there’s reason for it, smiles at the sight of you, laughs and coos and is otherwise completely false advertisement for how she’ll end up being during her formidable teenage years.

Four children also means no food in the house. Ever. If we are five minutes late for dinner, the two-year-old sits in his chair and starts gnawing on the table. The six-year-old out-eats everyone, and the four-year-old finishes his entire plate and then seconds of whatever green stuff is there before telling us he doesn’t like it. I used to wonder how Garfield, the cartoon cat of the 80s and 90s, could eat an entire lasagna in one bite, dish and all. Watching my oldest eat, it now seems less far-fetched.

So yes, we are Amish now…or at least really busy, and that isn’t likely to change.

I have been posting YouTube videos of some guitar songs I’ve written over the years—an attempt to find another creative outlet to temper the stress of it all. The only problem is, most of my guitar playing comes after midnight, as it’s the only free time I really have. So, between guitar playing and sleep, I opt for guitar, and I’m not even sorry.

I hope to be able to post more consistently about our crazy lives with four kids. In the meantime, here’s to another year of chaos and many more to follow.

[i] The real reasons being the calling to have another child, the want for even numbers of kids, delusion and foolishness, etc.

Original Song: “October”

Defiantly posted in November, in spite of its name. Hope you enjoy. The lyrics are below.

Lyrics

Can you follow the rhythm of my heart?
It’s tearing apart
So what if you were to stay?

Fire leaves parachuting in the breeze
Doesn’t help my grieving
I just wish you weren’t away

I can feel the raindrops falling down
I can see the trees empty their leaves
October’s blankets are covering the ground
And I wonder what’s left for me

I’m sorry that I left you all alone
A lone leaf on the road
Hoping it won’t rain
I’m sorry for the things you couldn’t know
Like that I loved you so
But now it’s too late for grace

I can feel the raindrops falling down
I can see the trees empty their leaves
October’s blankets are covering the ground
And I wonder what’s left for me

I don’t feel you anymore, but I still see my eyes in yours
So could you fit into my life?
I’ve been wearily insecure. You always left me wanting more
Despite distractions I have tried

I remember seeing you in your room
It was a Tuesday afternoon
And your love carried me away
And I sang
I’d come after you
I’d find you someday
But for now I’m missing you

Original Song: “Whiskey Love”

Not specifically about parenting but, then again, some days call for whiskey. Nope, this song is more an anthem of my younger, dumber years, with a hint of sarcasm thrown in.

Don’t forget to check out my YouTube channel, like, follow and share to feed my neediness :P.

Enjoy!

Here are the lyrics:

There are some days
Things don’t seem to go my way
And I start getting so down
Then I take a shot or two
And suddenly I feel like new
And I don’t feel so down, so down

I keep the pace
Staggering along the way
Just trying to get around
But I’m not grateful, I’m not smooth
Especially with all this booze
And I start falling down to the ground

And even though this is so very wrong
I’m kidding myself if I don’t think that I’m going on
Because I’m trying to do this night right
So raise your glass above and give your whiskey love

I’m king of the hill and cream of the crop
And I’ll keep chugging on
I won’t never stop
The night is young and so am I
And I’ve got the desire
Cool me down, I’m so hot I’m on fire

But tomorrow’s gonna roll
And that alarm clock’s gonna go
And while this drinking don’t make much sense
In my defense, I’m not thinking ’bout the consequence

I’ve got my pains, and I’ve got my problems
I don’t need no helping hand
I just need someone to solve ’em
And I’ve played host to many ghosts
And the demons have been testin’
Hold me down, I need my whiskey blessing

And even though my memory will be gone
I’ll be bringing down the house with my whiskey song
Cause I’m trying to do this night right
So raise your glass above and give your whiskey love

But tomorrow’s gonna roll
And that alarm clock’s gonna go
But that’s tomorrow, so just raise your glass
Give the night some love and let’s kick some whiskey ass!

Original Song: “Don’t Wake the Two-Year-Old”

Wrote a song a while back about my then two-year-old (now four) and how he struggles to wake up in the morning. Hope you enjoy. Lyrics are below.

You can also check out my YouTube channel.

Lyrics by Phil Partington

It’s 6 a.m. You try to sleep in
But with the sunrise, a child creeps in-
Side your room and as sure as snot
You’re utterly doomed

But thankfully, the toddler still sleeps
For morning time brings out the beast
With fingers crossed, you dare to take a peek
And suddenly sneeze

Don’t wake the two-year-old
He breathes fire out past his cheeks
Gets in your mind. Twists your dreams.
Makes you cry. Makes you scream.

There ain’t no monster under his bed.
He scratched and clawed it, till it was dead.
With beady eyes and gnarled teeth,
My two-year-old is the monster you see.

It’s time to hide.
This is no place for foolish pride.
Your heroism will not fly this time.

No time for myself.
I need a nap like nothing else.
And when he grows up, I hope to hell
He has four like himself.

Don’t wake the two-year-old
He breathes fire out past his cheeks
Gets in your mind. Twists your dreams.
Makes you cry. Makes you scream.

Don’t wake the two-year-old.

 

 

Utter Updates

Just a quick check in. It’s been ages since I’ve written here — sorry for that. I have some good excuses! For one, we added another little one to the mix. That’s right. Our flock just got one bigger…this time a girl! That means we have a six, four and two-year-old, as well as a newborn. I know there are others who have more young kids than that, perhaps even under more strenuous of circumstances, but screw you…we think this is hard :).

Anyway, Utter Dadness is back, or at least that’s the plan. Be on the lookout for more activity once again and thanks for your patience.