Daddy Diction

diction3It was brought to my attention that I tend to use my own vernacular in these blog posts that not all are privy to understanding. While I believe most parents can figure it out, I recognize that some of you–who may have never experienced a sleeping child wetting the bed with you in it–may have a harder time. So without further ado, here is a dictionary of sorts to help you keep up. Check back often for updated words, phrases and vernacular.

  • Accidental Poop – Ironically, this has more to do with a pregnant, soon-to-be mother than it does a child. Approximately 99.9% of pregnant woman fear accidentally pooping during the delivery–and the other 0.1% are liars. (Appears in “The Pregnancy Experience, a Dad’s Perspective“)
  • Annoyers – A loud sound designed specifically to annoy. Sounds much like, “A noise.”
  • Erections – Not what many might think. It’s my five-year-old’s way of saying, “directions.” (Appears in “Why Fathers Hate Family Vacations–Part Two“)
  • Fart in my mouth – Coined by the two-year-old, meaning, “to burp.
  • Fudge Popsicle – My alternate to saying a bad, bad word in front of the kids (Appears in “Potty Schedule“)
  • Google – My guide to any sort of strange blemish on one of the boy’s skin, odd-colored spit up, unidentifiable series of bumps or a growth that’s sprouted arms and legs of its own.
  • Gremlins – Another word for any of my boys. (Appears in “About“)
  • House – A popular TV show that was on the air from 2004 through 2012, starring Hugh Laurie. Another medical resource. See definition for Google, above. (Appears in “The Pregnancy Experience, a Dad’s Perspective“)
  • Kid-Life Crisis – The state of panic a parent experiences when his or her soul and memory of sleep and/or a warm meal have been utterly consumed by one or more of their children/gremlins. Also known as KLC. (Appears in “Beware the ‘Kid-Life Crisis’ “)
  • Pat – The name given to one of our five pet rats. Short for pattern, because the rodent has a pattern on his back. Ah, the creativity of a seven-year-old.
  • Pants – Kryptonite to my two-year-old. (Appears in “Why Fathers Dread Family Vacations–Part One“)
  • Pee-Your-Pants Terror – Really, really terrifying. (Appears in “Playground Toys these Days Lack Scare Factor“)
  • Re-Nect – Five-year-old speak for connect. (Appears in “Why Fathers Hate Family Vacations–Part Two“)
  • Son of a Rhinocerous – Another of my alternatives options to a bad, bad word. (Appears in “Potty Schedule“)
  • Squeaks – Another word for any of my boys. (Appears in “Beware the ‘Kid-Life Crisis’ “)
  • Teeter-Totter – Of French original, probably meaning ball-buster. Sometimes referred to as a see-saw. (Appears in “Playground Toys these Days Lack Scare Factor“)
  • Whiny Couch – A place designated for the boys to calm down and stop whining/crying. Not to be confused as a time-out space, or the couch Daddy sits on while watching the Seahawks lose. (Appears in “The Whiny Couch“)